Agape love saves marriage (Part 1)

Resolving Personal &
Spiritual Conflicts
1 Corinthians 13:8 Love never fails.Reasons for estrangement of husbands and wives are many. Sexual lust tops the list on the side of husbands. Gaining favours from resourceful men tops the list on the side of wives. Marital drift is a serious problem bedevilling many marriages. It usually leads to separation or divorce with devastating effects on the spouses and children involved. But is there anything that can be done to save such marriages?
 Some say it is difficult to save marriages rocked by extra-marital affairs today so the only prescription is divorce. They cite exposure to risk of contracting HIV and Aids as the main reason for terminating the marriages at the earliest time possible.

 But sound as this reason appears to be, the difficulty associated with this divorce prescription is that most marriages are suffering from this disease called marital drift. Advocating for divorce in every situation will threaten the institution of marriage. Others prescribe working at sexual satisfaction as the solution but though sex is important it is not what unites a marriage especially if real love for each other is lacking. Sex plays a crucial role in stabilising marriages only if it falls in this order: love, marriage and sex. Sex without love creates problems just as sex outside marriage creates problems. There are spouses who think that increase in their finances will solve most of marital troubles.

 According to scripture money answers everything. However, the shortfall of money as a panacea to marriage problems is that money only buys that which is for sale. Love cannot be bought. It is a fact that some marriages have been troubled by lack of money. But it is also a fact that some marriages have been destroyed by an increase in income.
Still others have presented prayer and counselling as the best way to save marriages troubled by estrangement. But prayer and counselling, good as they are, are not enough.
The Bible shows us that love is the only prescription for staying in and saving marriages. And the fact that love never fails means that marriages need love for them to never fail.
Love is a loaded term.

According to Ed Wheat, the author of the book called Love Life for every married couple, there are at least five words in the Greek languages that can be used to distinguish and describe the various aspects of love in marriage.  The first word is epithumia, which means a strong desire of any kind. The Bible never uses the word for love but in marriage the spouses must have a strong physical desire for each other that expresses itself in pleasurable sexual lovemaking.

Lack of sexual chemistry affects love in marriages.  Wheat argues that sex is not the most important aspect of your relationship, but it is a definite indicator of the health of your marriage. The facet of love known as physical desire should never be ignored in a marriage.

Eros is another word that talks of love. It refers to love that is romantic, passionate, and sentimental. Wheat said that eros love is often the starting point for marriage, being the kind of love that lovers fall into and write songs and poetry about. Love in marriage must include eros, however eros cannot sustain a marriage alone because it is changeable. It therefore needs the support of other loves called storge and phileo. Ed Wheat wrote, “Storge love in marriage meets the need we all have to belong, to be part of a close-knit circle where people care and give the utmost loyalty to each other.
 The marriage lacking this quality of love is like a house without a roof, where the rains can pour in. But when present, storge provides an atmosphere of security in which the other loves of marriage can safely dwell and flourish.” Phileo is a love of relationship which involves sharing, communication and friendship. When a marriage is filled with phileo it is interesting and rewarding.
Now note that all the above-mentioned kinds of love are natural and physical. They are mostly changeable and require a response from the beloved. As such they have limits and can give up in times of trouble and disappointment. These four loves cannot therefore save a marriage rocked by estrangement.

The fifth and last kind of love is agape. It is a spiritual love, the God-kind of love.
 Wheat wrote that Agape love is totally unselfish and has the capacity to give and keep on giving without expecting in return. He went on to say, “Agape love is of particular significance to those of you who right now are trying to save your marriage and to restore the love you lost. Of all the loves, agape is the one you can bring into your marriage immediately, because it is exercised as a choice of your will and has no dependence on feelings. It is a love of action, not emotion. It focuses on what you do and say rather how you feel. “A marriage filled with agape love never fails.
-Send suggestions on how to stay in love and save a marriage to 0772889766 or email mairos78@yahoo.co.uk